Ridge
2005-04-16 @ 2:13 p.m.

Don't you ever just feel like you're standing there screaming at the top of your lungs and yet... no one can hear you?

I had a dream last night that I was chasing him. Who he is, I'm not sure. But I couldn't stop running even though my legs burned and my feet hurt and my lungs felt like they might explode.

I haven't spoke to the guy I've been seeing in several days, and something tells me I won't. That I'll probably see him at the bar this next weekend, and we'll talk and leave seperately. Not that he won't try to take me home, I know he will. That's the way he is. I'm not going with him though. I refuse to, and if I talk to any of you and tell you I did, I want you to verbally slap me.

I will not sit and wait for someone to call me. I will not be in a relationship with someone who does not respect me enough to call me every day, to want to spend time with me, to want to be with me.... who worships me.

I say this, and then suffer in silence.

In fact, I went out on Thursday night with someone else. Someone I've known since second grade, and have recently become reaquainted with.

He called that afternoon and asked if I had Emma, I told him "no". So, we went to Palo Duro Canyon and went hiking for a bit, and then took pictures of the sunset. While I was aiming my camera he stood behind me and held my hair back so the wind wouldn't whip it in front of the lense. He held my hand all the way home, the entire 30 minute or so drive, shifting gears so he didn't have to let go. When I took him home, (I have a thing about other people driving me anywhere) he didn't even attempt to kiss me. He kissed the top of my hand, gave me a hug and kissed me on the cheek.

I've never been more impressed with someone.... ever.

I took the film in today, I don't have time to do it myself right now, I wish I did. But working 70 hour weeks doesn't allow much time for hobbies and habits.

Right now, I'm just sitting, listening to my beautiful girl laughing at her Gram, talking up a storm. Completely, totally at ease with who I am, what I'm doing, and the road ahead.

I hope you'll all still come along for the journey.

~Meg