Time after time
2005-04-17 @ 4:54 p.m.

And every once in a while, she calls my name out loud....

Moments in time slip away like sidewalk chaulk in a sweet spring rain, washing with it the smell and feel of a memory.

Some of us walk through life seeing every spark of electricity in the storm while others barely even see the damage after the passing.

Who misses more??

So many years spent longing, waiting, wondering, wanting... all for naught. But is it really? Is love lost really lost? Or is it simply the building block to grow upon like the foundaton of a home, each brick the love of yesterday until finally shingle by terracota shingle the perfect love is laid to place?

Time escapes all things in this sleepy little down and even now I miss people and love that I've lost for one reason or another. The first real storm of the season is threatening to let loose on us tonight and it makes me lonely. The thought of watching lightning lace through the sky with Matty and Nik, as we sat in the bay window breaks my heart in new ways. It's been 2 weeks since Nik moved out, longer still since we spoke.....

But not having them leaves the oppertunity to share these wonders with someone new, and I can't help but wonder, which is where this entire entry was supposed to lead anyway, if that's not really what it's all about. Losing the great loves of your life, or at least putting them in the backdrop of this brilliant painting we create daily, to smiply bring a new palate, a fresh canvas into today.

This is the first entry in monthes where I felt like I was the one writing, and not the shell of a person I had become. It only goes to show that pain can break you slowly, but you simply learn to repair the cracks with a stronger morter. It takes time to heal, and time takes it's own pace, moves slowly for some and like the wind for others.

Each day passes and we realize that it's all nothing more than a stepping stone to who we are to become....