Balanced
2004-12-19 @ 1:38 p.m.

I have no quote, no lyric to place here in the italics I'm so fond of. I have no witty comment or satirical thing to roll off my tongue in the despair of trying to desperately to fit in.

As I type, he's driving. Every time I tell him to slow down, that we're going to get stopped, he laughs at me and says he's not speeding..... I look over and he's doing close to 80. I can't help but smile.

I want to write about our weekend, about how beautiful my daughter is and how much it warms my heart when I made a comment about how smart she is and he stated matter of factly that she "must get it from her wanna be daddy".... meaning himself. But, I don't want to lose what I'm feeling because for the first time everything feels in balance.

We're a good pair, he and I. I'm emotional and full of fantasey thoughts and dreams where he's goal oriented and focused. Our differences are many, but none too sharp that the edges hurt when bumped into.

It's easy living with him, and not in the sense of money, or worldly things, but in the feeling that it's all okay. I'm not stressed about things when I'm with him, and I don't worry about what's going on at home, if everyone's okay without me, because frankly, when I'm next to him, enjoying this time, I don't care if the world collapses around me.

Our taste in music couldn't be farther from similar. But we make due, alternating CD's in his rental BMW to compromise. One minute he's singing "MargarittaVille" and the next I'm blaring a song by SheDaisey.

Montclaire State has a wonderful Music Therepy program, and they're in the top 20 as far as music conservatories. I'm not going to be a preformance major anyway........ It's not a decision, just something to think about. Either way, I'll be here until this summer.

I don't want him to leave in a few weeks, and it's going to take something great for me to not pack my bags to go with him. It just feels so good. I'd forgotten this feeling.

The last time we were together it was disasterous. DS screwed it all up, and Scott was entirely too focused on the material things. Now that DS has no legal say in anything, including where my daughter lives, it's easier. And, he's finally figured out that I'm not a material kind of girl.... that I'd much rather see a $1.50 movie than have dinner at an exclusive resturaunt.

I need to go, we're a few hours from home and it's my turn to drive. It feels good driving on the flat lands of the Texas Plains again.

It all feels so right.