Because
2004-12-10 @ 8:59 a.m.

I have nothing. I have nothing creative to say, nothing that will get you to leave comments as I so love for you to do.

All I have is loss and sadness. All I have is the tears that have been shed, and the ones left stinging my eyes ready to fall at any given time.

I can tell you again how all I want to do is lay in bed wrapped up in a warm blanket with a good book, a good movie, or a good man. Hell, I'll take any of the three. Well, maybe not the good man. I'm becoming a firm believer that there's no such thing.

I won't get to be with Emma for Christmas afterall. They sent an email yesterday saying that everyone in the company is required to work both Christmas Eve and Christmas day, so that rules out any chance of going out of town with her and the rest of my family. Instead, I'll spend my first Christmas away from her.... and she's only 3 years old. (Or will be tomorrow)

I feel like an enormous fuck up right now, and even though I'm trying with every heartbeat, every bated breath, to not feel so, or to correct it, it still consumes me.

One day it will all be better. If I can just make it through the end of this month, it will all get back on the right track again. Just take it one day at a time.

And for those who remember me from a different life..... JUST BREATHE.