All I have is loss and sadness. All I have is the tears that have been shed, and the ones left stinging my eyes ready to fall at any given time.

I can tell you again how all I want to do is lay in bed wrapped up in a warm blanket with a good book, a good movie, or a good man. Hell, I'll take any of the three. Well, maybe not the good man. I'm becoming a firm believer that there's no such thing.

I won't get to be with Emma for Christmas afterall. They sent an email yesterday saying that everyone in the company is required to work both Christmas Eve and Christmas day, so that rules out any chance of going out of town with her and the rest of my family. Instead, I'll spend my first Christmas away from her.... and she's only 3 years old. (Or will be tomorrow)

I feel like an enormous fuck up right now, and even though I'm trying with every heartbeat, every bated breath, to not feel so, or to correct it, it still consumes me.

One day it will all be better. If I can just make it through the end of this month, it will all get back on the right track again. Just take it one day at a time.

And for those who remember me from a different life..... JUST BREATHE. Big Seeester - 2004-12-10 10:16:38
Deep breath. You are not a f/u. You are doing the best you can. Just because you make mistakes does not make you f/u. You will get through like you always do. Head held high, a little tougher and a lot stronger and more appreciative of what you do have. Love you girl.
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Me - 2004-12-10 11:06:25
Wow. That is a lot to deal with. Would you be in trouble if you called in sick? Just remember that one year from now none of this will matter any more. Love, Sandy
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Des - 2004-12-10 13:34:20
Hey Girlie, The main reason I've not left too many comments is A) I wasn't sure you wanted them and B) didn't really know how often you'd be checking...Now that I know you are missing them I will do better :) I'm sorry you've hit a rough patch...but it IS bound to happen. You've made it thru worse...It will get better...and yes, my love, JUST BREATHE. I am always, always here...even when silent!!
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Because