What I found
2004-12-05 @ 8:22 p.m.

My dearest K,

I always write to you when I can't find the words to say exactly what I want to, while looking into your eyes. I feel for so long I've been a source of comfort to you, and I hate the sadness I know I'll see in them this time.

This week is going to be one of the hardest of your life. There are events you will be "celebrating" the memory of, and, you will need a friend. I hope that in my not being there, you'll find that the friend you need, is you.

I'm sorry that I have to leave you the way I do, and by the time you receive this letter, after you get home from work, I'll have been on the road for almost, if not more than 11 hours.

Please understand, I left the way I did because I could not bear the goodbyes.

I know where you'll place this, I know that one copy, one you hand write, will be kept in your purse, another, the original in your "scrapbook of letters", and the third and final in your diary. So for those who will see it, and for those who will only hear of it, I ask one thing:

Take care of her.

Even when she doesn't tell you everything. Even when she doesn't say exactly what she's thinking. Even when she's laughing in spite of herself and everything around her. Take care of her like I no longer can.

I love you, K.

~Nik

I found this tonight, after working a 14 hour shift. I had a feeling he'd be gone when I got home, woman's intuition I guess.

I want to be angry with him. I want to scream at him that I hate him for leaving me now, when I need him. I hate him for being like every man in my life; staying for a few moments, making me feel like I'm really loved, and then avoiding me like the plague.

But then I remember, that he's doing what's best for him, and that in the end, it's what's best for all of us. Time takes us where we go, and it takes us there for a reason. We are not to stand in the way, or try to alter things, it will all happen anyway, and we can go without a fight, or make it even harder on ourselves.

I will probably be several days before I have the oppurtunity, or energy to write again. Emma's birthday is this weekend, I go to court on Friday, I have to work 3 more 14 hour shifts, and then David and I are taking Emma to see the "Nutcracker" on Friday night.... that should be fun, we get to get all dressed up, and I'm even taking Emma to get her hair done just as a "Mommy/daughter" day.

Now, though it's early, I need to sleep. Pleasent dream's my loves...

~Meg