It's a long, long road
2004-06-25 @ 9:29 p.m.

It's cold in my house, and I really don't want to be alone. Truth is, I'm not. I have a whiney two year old to contend with tonight, due to having to leave her cousins house early so they could get to bed, as we should be, before our big soft ball tournament tomorrow morning.

It was a long busy day, and tomorrow promisses to be the same, only in a different way. I've got the soft ball tournament in the morning, we play until we loose two games, or win the series. A wedding with my cousin and a few friends, for someone we work with, well, two someones at 6 in the evening. And then I'm going to Homers Back Yard Ball (www.homersbackyardball.com) to see Cross Canadian Ragweed after the wedding. It's going to be fun, lots of fun, but tiring I'm sure.

Anyway, now that I'm finally, for the first time in several nights, able to get here from home, I'm going to post an entry I wrote several nights ago. Sorry this one's so long, if you get bored, you know how to leave.....

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There are things in this world that should and can be said in this world, to those whom we feel can not only take them with grace, but assess them and use them in and only in the form which they were offered. Unfortunately, there are also those which cannot.

I remember a time of innocense where no matter what you said, it was simply and purely, the truth. Nothing more, nothing less. Purity and honesty seem to run hand in hand, as well they should, but only in children. As we grow, it is as if we suddenly lose our sense of purity. Is it really necessasary to be pure in order to be honest? Or are we able to be honest without having to maintain an almost naieve purity?

I would like, some time in my life to be able to take the hand of someone who know really loves me and have them tell me, in all honesty that they love me and that I am the only one for them. The point of this is that I don't want this person to be so pure they are ignorant to the ways of the world, but rather pure of heart, wanting nothing more than to love wholly and completely something they fear they can never attain.

This love, I believe, is the most pure thing in reality. It is something we dream of, we reach for, and know is there. Yet, we fear that we will never be able to safely attain this great and powerful treasure.

I want someone to love me so much it hurts. Love me so much that they ache to be with me when apart, yet hurt so badly, so wonderfully when we're together for knowing that we will have to part, one day, one moment in time.

I want someone to love me in a way that when I walk into the room, everyone else dissapears. The voices fade, the lights suddenly dim around the room, but seem to be eminating rather from my skin. I want this person to see me as something more than human, not a God, or Goddess, but something great, something beautiful and something strong and powerful. I want this person to know me as Venus. To know that I am the creater and originater of life in the most earthly form. I want this person to worship me in my weakness, hold me high in my victories, and simply smile in my quiet reflective times.

The person who can achieve this, and admit to it honestly, without shame....no one will without fear, this greatness is synonymous with fear......will be the honest, pure love of my life.