-
2006-04-03 @ 9:57 a.m.

I don't know why, but for some reason I wanted to write here today and not at my other place. Maybe it's a sense of being home and knowing what is here and around me.

T and I are in Kansas spending time with his family and friends. It's certianly been interesting. Last time we were here I met only his family, and by only his family I mean his mom and dad. This time it's been all of his friends, his sister, and the extended family. They're all great, and honestly it makes me wish that we lived here and not back in Texas. It's sad that coming here and knowing these people and knowing that in all honesty he wants to be here, but won't come back here for a few reasons, makes me feel so horrible. I want to be here. I love it here. I love the city, and I love the people he is so close to. The one person I was really nervous about has turned out to be pretty okay. And the one friend that I fully expected to be a buffer between the nervous guy and myself has been just that. (Not that he's really needed to.) The buffer even told me that even though he's only known me for a very short period of time (at the time we'd met something like 15 minutes earlier) that he likes me so much better than T's last girlfriend who he was with for 3 years. It's a good thing, considering we'll be together from here on out. I'd kind of like for his friends and family to like me.

All the guys left a few minutes ago to go the the Royal's home opener in Kansas City and so I'm here, alone, trying to decide what I want to do with my day. I can either stay here at the appartment, that I wish was ours, or I can get up and go get lost in this city. Either way it should be a fairly uneventful day.

Back to the whole wishing this appartment was ours thing.... The last two days we've stayed here with T's best friend and it's been surreal. It's almost like we're married and live here with no children or pets, and have a friend staying with us. T's friend let us have the bedroom and is sleeping on the couch. Every morning I wake up and feel like life is simply perfect. We have nothing to worry about here. I know that if we lived her we'd obviously have things to worry about, but that's just life. Not to mention we'd have my beautiful daughter and his dogs, my cat, and you know, jobs. But my point is, I can see life being like this. Him and I first thing every morning. Having him there every day when I wake up and having his friends around a better part of the time, and I like it. No, I love it. This is what it's supposed to be about.

I'm going to hate getting back home and everything coming crashing back down again. Don't get me wrong, it won't be things with him. Things with T and I are always great. (While I was typing that the back back home called about my car payment being now almost 3 months late... this is what I'm talking about.) But life as a whole is just hard right now. I need to find a new job, and I need to get bills caught up. It's solely my fault, I haven't been wise with my money the way I should be. It'll work out, I'm just worried about it in the mean time.

Hope everyone here is doing fine..... miss you guys.

M