God can Explain
2005-05-26 @ 5:59 p.m.

There's a lot of things I understand. There's a lot of things, that I don't want to know. But you're the only face I recognize. And it's so damn sweet of you, to look me in the eyes....

I find myself remembering a time when I was sitting in a corner, my back pressing hard against the stone trying to form it to the cool textures. Head buried in my arms, tears stinging, streaming down my cheecks and nose to finally rest between my feet on the wooden floor.

Sitting like this in the empty room was somewhat cathartic for me. There was nothing there to bother me. No one there to comfort me. No one to see my tears. I could, yell, scream, cry, tell the world to go fuck it's self, and no one would know the difference.

This place was what I needed. I needed the walls, the solitude, the peace of the world when mine was so loud and incomprehensive. I needed to have this shelter. What I never realized was that I needed someone else in this room with me. I needed someone, not to tell me it would be okay, not to fix it for me, but to be there with their arms around me, simply letting me know that no matter if it fell apart, or if it all worked out, that they were there until the end. A partner, a friend.

Somewhere down the line I met that person, and paid them no attention. They were friend, confidant, trusted advisor, lover..... I neglected just as much......

I've made my decision, I'll tell him Sunday night when we can sit down and talk aobut it. (Miss Moppett will be out of town until Tuesday.)

I'll let you know how he reacts. It will make it, or break it.

M.