This and That
2005-04-25 @ 3:32 p.m.

Somewhere between passion and losing friends....

What is it about this tug of war, this pull and push of life that traps us not within our own beings but within those around us? Is it that we simply have a need to be a part of other peoples lives or is an something we learn when we are young, that other people's lives are an influx of our own?

It's never made sense to me that no matter what I've done, no matter what I've tied I've never been able to stay out of other peoples lives. I'm always interested in their stories, I'm always wanting to know what's going on with them, how I can help, how I can fix.

None of this is healthy when put in the proportions I've always taken it. It's not good to be so involved with everyone else that you can't be involved with yourself.

It's funny you see, the words trickling out of my fingers as if they have meaning, suppleness - rather than the harshness they bring to my eyes. It's never easy to fall out of love with what you've always done, even if it's to make things right with you.

********************

I almost ran head on into a truck last night. I know I was doing about 80, no telling what he was doing. I just wasn't paying attention. I was watching the road, but I'm not sure where my head was.

I called the boy as soon as my heart stopped beating so fast and hard that I could hear it. It went something like this...

Boy: Hey you! What's up?
Girl: You remember how we talked about me keeping every thing in side and then one day, I just can hold it in any more and I completely fall apart?.
Boy: Yes, I keep telling you if you continue to do that you're going to have ulcers by the time your 26.
Girl: Can I tell you a secret?
Boy: Of course. What's wrong?
Girl: You're the only thing keeping me from falling apart.
Boy: Meet me at my place. You're not doing this alone this time....

I didn't expect him to come through the way he did. And while I'm not the way I should be, I'm better than I was last night. And when I saw the boy at work this morning, he didn't hesitate to hug me, even though there were other employees around and no one is really supposed to know we're.... doing this thing we're doing. I think I suprised him when I laughed out loud when he hugged me. He asked why and I couldn't help but reply "Is that your gun or are you just happy to see me?". Turns out it was his gun.... lol

I applied for a new job today. Keep your fingers crossed.

See you soon.