fall
2005-04-07 @ 4:12 p.m.

There are things in this life that we hold on to with all our might even when we think in the back of our minds that there really is no point at all.

When we finally realize that these things are doing nothing but harming us rather than being an active, productive part of our lives, the letting go process can be tough.

In the past few weeks I've been letting go of something very drear to me. I've been crying, yelling and journaling in a place no one will ever see; just saying everything I need to say and can't.

I've found that I don't need this thing in order to feel okay, and I realized that a lot of the reason I've kept it around is because it validated my feeling okay with who I am.

Sometimes we all need something to validate who we are - our career's, our spouse, our children, our friends. And then, we learn that it's simply okay to just be. To be nothing more and nothing less than who we were created, and who we have manifested into.

In this process I learned that each little promise unbroken, each word spoken with a feeling of honesty, yet brutality, is nothing more than one more little lie. And that does nothing but continue to hurt us.

A dear friend of mine said something to me several weeks ago that really stuck with me; and that's simply that when we grow up copeing, that's all you do until even the big things feel like small things and you simply don't act or react. Well, I'm tired of coping, I'm tired of ignoring, and I'm tired of hanging on.

So today, I'll simply let myself fall, and trust beyond all else that the right entity will be there to catch me at the bottom of with well.

~M.