Cold Christmas Eve
2004-12-24 @ 6:32 p.m.

It's like your drowning right in front me. Reaching out for something you can't see is holding so tight to you....

I don't know what it was that I wanted to say when I sat down here. There were words at the tips of my fingers just aching to get out, to be displayed so caringly in this little white box; and now that I'm here, there is nothing.

I haven't felt well in a few days and a cold has taken shelter in my head and chest. I hate being sick.

I'm sure some of it is stress related as I've been at my wits end with my nerves frayed for a while now.

There was something I had to tell Scott, that I'd been putting off for at least 6 of the years that we'd known one another, and I knew he wasn't going to be happy. That, coupled with Emma being gone for the holiday has made me feel less than whole.

I told him last night and while I no longer feel like I could vomit at any moment, it's simply brought full force to the fact that I am indeed ill with something else.

He reacted well. Better, by far, than I thought he would. His reaction brought a surge of feelings to the surface for both of us, I think.

I love this man. Madly, passionately. It's a very quiet sort of love, and that's how I know it's real. I don't need to tell him constantly that I love him. I don't have to be real physical. I don't have to be anything other than who I am, and that's a great comfort.

I need to get to bed and get some rest. I do still have a dinner date and then movies to watch with Scott, (the date is with him too. lol) so, Have a great night.

Merry Christmas Everyone.

~Meg