Fear
2004-05-26 @ 3:10 p.m.

It's the same thing as several times before. There's intellegence saying there is the threat of an attack. Until now, it's been a false worry. Yet, I'm incredibly nervous. I've gotten sick twice today over thinking about it, and that's never a good sign.

I don't want to live my life afraid of what others may or may not to do my daughter, my family, my friends, myself. But how can I not?

I hate it when this happens. I hate how the memories come flooding back. That fateful day in Septemeber changed our lives forever. It doesn't matter if you think it did or not...it did. Even if in the smallest of ways.

Who of you actually thought about what it would take to destory a steel tower until that day? Who of you thought that someone out there could possibly be out to get you, just because you want to be free until that day? Did you constanly look differently at people of other races, origins until then? Do you now?

I know I do.

I don't like to admit it, I try to embrace everyone the same. But I can't. I see people differently. When I pass someone of middle-eastern decent in the store, in the mall or on the street, inwardly I cringe.

I don't want to be that way, and I'd never outwardly say or do anything to harm that person. I still offer a smile, but I can't help other than to think "What if it's him/her that does something next?".

Is that wrong? Yes. Is it expected in this day and age? Probably. Is it born out of hate? Certainly not. Is it born out of fear. Deffinately.

It all just seems so hard, so tiring and so unneeded.

"Men create wars, in order to have freedom."