Many people will say that they are not specifically striving for happiness, but a closer relationship to God. Reaching this goal, being the with your God, would ultimately make you happy, be the happiest thing to happen, and in doing so, you've obviously made yourself a better person (with a few exceptions) and helped to better the world and other people in the process, something that makes everyone happy.

Which, after that long-winded paragraph brings me to where I am today. I have for years had doubts about who I am, what I'm seeking in the terms of spiritual growth. And, over the last several months, I've had the chance to really look for myself in that arena of my life. I'm not by any means saying that I know, exactly what it is I want, or what I ultimately seek. There is still much to learn.

I am going to say that the one thing I've learned, is that God is very real. I feel the power daily. I see it in my daughters face every time I look at her. I know, in my heart, as I worship, that he is a very real, true entity.

It's not something I can ever begin to explain. It's faith. Something we all know I've had issues with... because to have faith, is to trust, and I don't trust.

Every day for the last week and a half I've gotten in my car, where a black leather cord bracelett with the words "faith, love, hope, joy" are placed on four crosses. This bracelett hangs from my rearview mirror, with the words facing out, so I don't see them. Every day for this last week and a half, when I've gotten in, the one that says "faith" has been turned to face me, so that the word is glaring me in the face. Every day, I've turned it around, and again, when I come back to my car, it is there.

You're right, I've very little faith in very many things, people, situations. But here's the thing, to lack faith in one thing, does not mean I have to lack faith in all things. I don't have to have faith in all men, to have faith in one. I don't have to have faith in all people, to have faith in a few.

I don't have to have faith in the church, to have faith in God.

Because, as my horoscope said today: Sometimes, you just have to close your eyes, fall backward and trust. Incredipete - 2004-09-28 11:12:50
That is one of the more profound entries I've ever read...
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Me - 2004-09-28 11:21:18
Wow, thanks babe.

Completely unintentional. I just feel like I finally figured it out.....
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warcrygirl - 2004-09-28 12:05:28
You go girl! I find it hard to explain to people who have never felt the Lord with them, it's a sensation that just can't be described. I am the world's most imperfect Christian yet nothing will convince me that He doesn't exist.
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Me - 2004-09-28 12:39:20
I doubt. I've doubted. There is still doubt, about some things, religion based. But I've learned that to make me stronger, I have to doubt from time to time... otherwise, I'll never seek the answers I need.
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Des - 2004-09-28 13:09:04
and these are the things that just make you go "awwwww", no?
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Des - 2004-09-28 13:09:14
and these are the things that just make you go "ahhhhh", no?
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Des - 2004-09-28 13:09:47
awwwwwwwww sounded too much like what I do when I'm deflecting a compliment...lol
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Me - 2004-09-28 13:23:27
You're a goober, Des. And I love you.
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Stacey - 2004-09-28 18:59:20
I liked your last statement the best!
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Wendy - 2004-09-28 20:39:12
All I can say is...thanks! We all needed to hear that.
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Faith, trust, and the answer