Long Story
2004-07-27 @ 9:33 a.m.

It's as if the fates were testing me. Testing my patience, my stregnth of mind, my very heart.

It's funny how things some times just happen in strange ways. Ways that make you take a step back and go "Wow, I can't believe that just happened".

I had a crummy day yesterday, I don't want to go into detail, but sufice it to say, I was more than happy to go to bed last night. Only, my mind was whirring and buzzing about things, mostly out of my control. Mark had called, I don't even remember what it was he needed or wanted. He could tell I as in a poor mood, and asked why. I started to tell him and about half way through, it was obvious he had company and he let me go without so much as offering any support. I don't know why I expected him to, yet I laid in bed crying for a few minutes before picking up the phone once again. I broke my resolve of not chasing the people I want in my life any more and called Cole. The phone picked up, I heard nothing and then dead air. I hung up, feeling dejected and alone, tears springing to my eyes again. Then a few seconds later the shrillness of the phone broke my sudden and over exagerated depression. Cole had called back. We talked for close to an hour. He listend to me cry, to me complain about all the stuff going on in my life right now. When I appologized for "bitching at him" he said he didn't realize I was, that he knew me well enough to know that what I was saying were things that really bothered me. It was a nice conversation, ending with his exclimation that he'd presented his thesis on Sunday and had received an 'A' for the class, in which he needed a 'C' at least to now possess his masters. He'll be coming home in the next month or so, then travelling to Mexico, New Mexico, Oregon, and New York trying to find himself. I can't wait to see him.

After ending our talk I thought of calling Scott, but looking at the clock reminding myself that it was almost one am in his world, I refrained, and wandered from my bedroom into check on the angel who had fallen asleep on my livingroom floor. Still covered and warm I reached for the refirgerater in need of something to rewet my mouth after having talked for almost an hour straight. Suddenly the shrill ring of my phone sounded again and bounding into my room I saw that it was Scott, up late and wanting to talk to "my Megan" as he claimed. We talked for quite some time before I finally told him that unlike some people I did have to work in the morning and needed my beauty sleep. We said our goodbyes, generally with him, my favorite part of our talks. Not because they're ending, but because he always sounds like a little boy on the other end of the phone when he says "good bye, good night, sweetest dreams 'til morning light".

It just made me think.... Strange how I finally get a hold of Cole for the first time in 2 months, and then, when I'm thinking about him Scott calls. What are the fates telling me? Are they trying to tell me that it's time to make a decision?

I don't know, but I didn't sleep most of the night, and I've been crying most of the morning. Maybe this day will get better.......