To Cole
2004-04-27 @ 4:07 p.m.

Did you know that the more I sit here, and the more I mull over some of the things that were said the other night on the phone the more I miss you. I wish I hadn't made the mistakes I feel I did in the past years of our relationship. You probably don't even know which ones I'm talking about.

I remember sitting in your car, some (many) afternoons after school and playing hard to get, when all I really wanted was you. Then when I finally, maybe, possibly could have had the chance, you were long gone.

I told you the other night that I wish you were here, that when you said you wish you were, I agreed. But I don't think you knew that I want that all the time. Do you know how many times I've thought of just showing up on your door step and seeing where things go? No, not in the pyscho stalker way your parents would think of me, but in the here I am, if you want me, I'm yours, if not, I'm gone for good way.

These letters, this one and the one you'll be receiving in the mail in a few days never say just what I want them to. I can't help but wonder if it's because I'm not sure you'd ever believe me. Something tells me that I've hurt you in the past and that it's not something I can repair but only hope to move on from. I want you to believe, I want you to understand, but I don't know how to show you, how to force you to.

Does any of this even make sense? Somehow I doubt it.

*sigh* Just go ahead and laugh. I'm still just the kid you can't shake. Will we always follow this pattern?

I love you Cole.

Megan